Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
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That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
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Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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