there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
