my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
he wants to bone in the snuggie
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
