I want to walk on stilts...naked
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
