hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
