That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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