in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We are all done wearing pants today
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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