My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
