the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
