this boner is exhausting
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
