I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Even my vagina gasped.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
jump out the window naked night went bad
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