dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
