are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
