girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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