we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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