Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like eating out sand paper
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize