Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
