we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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