just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
