i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
