So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
