After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
