You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
