Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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