He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize