i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
