I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
