i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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