maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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