I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
