Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
