I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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