Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
