my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
