Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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