What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
