i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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