don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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