is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
dude i'm inner monologue high
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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