I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
