I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
