Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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