Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
