wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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