he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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