dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I have poison ivy on my dick
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.