Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.