I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.