It's Friday. Sex?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
