Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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