Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
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I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
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I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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