the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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