sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
