Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize