She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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