Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
