Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
