I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
