The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
