Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
