I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
