I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Randomize
