Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
