it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
