OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
