i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
