pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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