thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
