if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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