it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
