I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
