So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
