Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize