just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
