Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
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I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
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Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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