something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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