my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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